


do you wanna talk about it?

by weatheredlaw



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Catholic Character, Character Study, Gen, Mild Language, Religion, Roman Catholicism, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2103831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I don't know, man. But it keeps me up at night.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	do you wanna talk about it?

When he's on his knees, fixing the jeep or getting ready to take a shot, he sometimes feels the hard wood under that lazy layer of leather they used to put down on the kneelers in church. When he was younger he'd stand on them, still too small to see over the backs of the pews, trying to get a good look at Father Williams as he drank from his goblet, turned the pages of the books in front of him. Sometimes he still says a hail-Mary here and there just for good measure.

_Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee._

Sarge is always the one going on and on about God and shit, but Grif grew up Catholic, and old habits die hard.

 

 

 

"Would you _stop poking me?!_ "

" _Shhhh!_ " Grif looks up into his mother's face and feels his cheeks go red. His sister looks pleased with herself next to him, ducking her head in mock prayer. He could push her, make it look like an accident, but they're standing again, lifting their hands -- _The Lord be with you. And with your spirit._ \-- and Grif is sliding back into the easy rhetoric of mass, the way his mind drifts and he feels like there's nothing in the world he has to worry about. 

Out here, suddenly, in the heat of the canyon, his mind slips back, and Simmons is shouting at Donut and Sarge is close to shooting him again and he wishes, if only to himself, that he could get on his knees, feel the hard wood pressing up at him from under the leather, and listen to the pastor offer up prayer. 

_Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus._

 

 

 

Simmons catches him one day, crossing himself before a meal. "What the -- are you Catholic?"

"Uh, sorta."

"You can't be _sorta_ Catholic, you idiot. You either are or you aren't."

"I haven't gone to mass in like six years, man, get off my fucking back."

"I didn't even know you gave a shit about God."

Grif's starting to get pissed -- it's none of Simmons's business what he does and doesn't give a shit about. Unless it's doing actual work, in which case _fuck_ that. He angles himself away and goes quiet, listening to Simmons prattle on and on about the difference between real faith and faith for the sake of faith. 

Finally, he's done with it and he gets up, knocking over a chair as he goes. "Dude? Shut up."

_Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen._

 

 

 

_Dear God, I don't wanna die._

Hanging off the edge of a cliff, it's hard to see how things can get better from here.

_Dear God, this is Grif. From back home. Same Grif, I guess. Different place._

He feels Simmons's hand slipping out of his own and, for the first time since he put on his helmet -- Grif's afraid.

_Please don't let the last thing I see be Simmons. He'll never forgive himself._

It's definitely not God who jams the Meta's weapon into the side of the cliff, but hell if Grif isn't looking up, waiting for Simmons to bring him back, grinning like an idiot because, maybe, just maybe, there is a God. Watching over everything. With a plan for him and stuff.

Whatever it is, he'll sleep well tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> in my rewatch, i've been kind of curious about the faith of the characters, etc. i think the most of grif sometimes, probably, because he's always been my favorite, but i've thought a lot about that first episode and thinking about god. as i'm currently in the middle of exploring my own faith myself, in particular with the catholic church, this felt appropriate.
> 
> i wonder if this counts as blasphemy.


End file.
